What Play Teaches Us About Joy, Depth, and Connection
Recently I listened to a podcast by Mel Robins on happiness, and something she said stopped me in my tracks. She spoke about the two types of happiness identified in the long-running Harvard Study of Adult Development:
- Hedonic happiness – the joy, pleasure, and enjoyment we feel in the moment
- Eudaimonic happiness – the deeper sense of meaning, purpose, and fulfilment
As I listened, I realised how closely this links to the work I do every single day.
The Ocean Metaphor
I’m writing this while looking out at the sea, and Mel Robins’ ocean metaphor landed beautifully for me.
If happiness is an ocean, then:
• The depths represent our eudaimonic happiness—our inner sense of purpose, belonging, and meaning.
• The waves on the surface represent hedonic happiness—pleasure, fun, excitement, and joy.
When we splash in the waves, we’re experiencing those bursts of enjoyment. And that, in itself, is a form of play.
Play Gives Us Both Types of Happiness
This is where play becomes incredibly powerful.
Different types of play feed different parts of the happiness ocean:
- Hedonic happiness occurs during relational play. Think giggles, turn-taking games, cuddles, shared attention, and small moments of delight. These moments release dopamine and oxytocin, strengthening trust, joy, and connection
- Eudaimonic happiness grows through purposeful, meaningful play. Creative play, construction play, imaginative problem-solving, or working towards a goal. These experiences foster a sense of capability, belonging, and identity.
Play isn’t frivolous. It is a biologically essential way that humans build joy and shape meaning.
Theraplay, the relational play therapy modality that I am trained in, is designed specifically to increase hedonic happiness within relationships.
Through simple, structured activities—like rhythmic games, turn-taking, nurturing moments, and playful connection—we’re not just having fun. We’re strengthening the very relational foundations that the Harvard study identified as the number one predictor of a happy and healthy life.
Not money.
Not career success.
Not status.
Relationships.
So What Is a Relational Approach?
A relational approach means that every therapeutic activity is designed to:
• Build connection
• Foster shared joy
• Strengthen trust and safety
• Support co-regulation
• Help parent and child understand each other better
It means prioritising the relationship as the agent of change—because children grow, heal, and thrive in connection.
When the Waves Are Stormy
